How To Stop Hating Your Body

I have one question for you today:  Do you love your body?

My guess is probably not.  Here's why.

Our self-concepts were forged by multiple factors, including how our parents/caregivers treated us in infancy and childhood, how they treated themselves, how our coaches and teachers treated us, what our peer groups told or modeled for us, and the big one:  what we see as the "perfect" body as spoon fed to us by the media over our lifetimes.

In order to overcome such onslaughts to our sense of self and instead learn how to treasure our remarkable bodies, you will need conscious and repeated effort.  If any of the above influences were shaming, dismissive, critical, competitive, or downright abusive, it will take enormous effort and possibly the assistance of a therapist to help you learn to love your precious body.

Dancers, models, cheerleaders, and individuals who compete in pageants are especially prone to body-hate.  Your sense of what is beautiful may be corrupted by the constant criticism you and your body endure as you are trained, sculpted, corrected, and masked into an image verses being supported and encouraged into becoming more of who you really are.  Additionally, individuals disfigured by surgery, accidents, crime/abuse, self-harm, congenital abnormalities or disease are prone to body comparison and body-hate.

Especially as we age, humans internalize these strong and pervasive messages that anything short of smooth unwrinkled skin, white straight teeth, a flawless tan and perky body parts is unacceptable.

Where I live, it is bikini season.  We are flooded with media spouting the religion of how to achieve a bikini-ready body.  Why so much attention on how to "fix" your body so it fits into a certain image?  "Fixing" body-hate is big business.  Body-hate sells!

Well here's the news:  your body is always bikini ready.

It's our minds that have been brainwashed into thinking that there is only ONE definition of beauty.  Once you change your mindset from body-hate to body-love from all the unhealthy influences, you can wear a bikini without needing to "fix" your body.

So, how do you stop hating your body?

It's a process.  You will likely move from body-hate to body-tolerance to body-acceptance to body-love.

I would start first with treating your self as the precious Being that you are and to CARE for your body as you would a precious treasure.  I'm all about being practical with self care, so if you're thirsty right now, go drink some water.  And once you sit back down, pick up your phone and schedule an annual exam ASAP with your primary health provider for preventative care.

The reality is you care for what you treasure.

So begin caring more about treasuring your body than you have in the past, because you are important.  You are priceless.  You--and your precious body--are wonderful.

More to come in future posts on body-love.

Be well, Beautiful!

Self Care for Parents of Struggling Kids

Has your child been diagnosed with a mental disorder such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, or PTSD?  If so, you as parent need to up your game in the realm of your own self care.

"Why increase the time and attention I give myself when it's my KID that's struggling?" you may ask.

Good question!

The answer is simple:  if the caregiver goes down, the whole family suffers.

Self care is not an option for any parent, especially a parent of a child with special needs.  Self care goes beyond lattes and pedicures, and is a lifestyle of nurturing yourself for optimal well-being.

Just being aware of your own needs and setting aside a bit of time daily to meet some of those needs will go a long long way towards keeping you emotionally and physically capable of navigating the difficult waters of raising a special needs child.

Carve out some time for you--DAILY--and you and your child will reap the benefits of a calmer, more engaged, and (dare I say) happier parent.

Be well!

Self Help for Struggling Couples

Are you and your normally close spouse struggling to get along?  Are resentments building, free time diminishing, and avoidance (of time together) increasing?

Good news, because there is hope to help your struggling marriage. Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love by Marcia Berger LMFT (New World Library, 2014) provides an on-going answer to married couples growing apart.

This strategy, which involves a set marriage meeting for 30 minutes every week, fosters love, encouragement, teamwork, and (yes even) romance for struggling couples.  Couples focus on four specific areas and limit the time they spend discussing issues in order to improve how they relate to each other.

A weekly marriage meeting is a great idea for generally healthy marriages* that need some help or for partners who have lost some of the spark they once felt.  This strategy is appropriate for couples who already know how to communicate in a non-blaming and respectful manner.  If this describes your marriage, then read through the book with your spouse, and begin to implement the 30 minute weekly marriage meeting.  You may be surprised at the positive results!

If you and your partner have trouble communicating, perhaps several sessions with a couples counselor will provide you with the guidance and tools you need to improve your life together.  THEN implement weekly marriage meetings for on-going marriage enrichment.  Best wishes for a happier life together!


*For marriages in which untreated addictions, abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, financial), or other serious safety/health issues arise, both parties would greatly benefit from seeing individual therapists to address and work to resolve their own issues.  Couples counseling is NOT an appropriate answer to these serious issues in a marriage.