How to Start Your New Year Right

You're probably ready to begin changing some things about your life, to start the new year on a positive note.  Perhaps you need some help starting and maintaining a new habit or two.

The book, "Hello, Habits" by Fumio Sasaki is set to release in hardcover on January 4, 2021.  I happen to have a copy sitting in front of me right now, and it is an interesting read on how to create new habits.

Fumio obviously did his research and applied it to his own situation:  he permanently quit drinking, he became a minimalist, and he picked up the habit of writing books (he's written two so far).  Fumio weaves modern psychology and neuroscience into this book's framework.  

My favorite suggestions are "make your targets [steps towards your goals] ridiculously small," take breaks, and "rest aggressively." *

I am not receiving any compensation for this book review; I'm simply offering another resource that might help you accomplish your goals for the upcoming new year.  See this post for additional help with your goals.

However, if you're having a really difficult time motivating yourself to do basic self care and household tasks, you could actually benefit from being evaluated by a medical provider such as a doctor or a psychotherapist.  Lack of motivation to get normal tasks done is called "avolition" and it is one marker for depression and other mental health conditions.  (Before you self-diagnose your own depression or some other condition,  please know that avolition is ONE marker, and you need several specific signs and symptoms to be diagnosed with a mental health condition.)

O.K. back to the book:  the fact that Fumio quit drinking is very admirable; however, if you struggle with mis-use of alcohol, another substance, or a behavior that is making your life really difficult or downright impossible (such as over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming), then please please please seek out help as soon as possible!  There are free 12-Step groups on-line, in person, via phone, and some via email for just about ANY addiction.  Additionally, you might need in-patient or out-patient mental health treatment and other medical intervention to overcome these "habits," which are actually health conditions!  Google "12 step programs for _______________ (over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming, etc.)" for help today.  Next, make an appointment with your primary medical provider ASAP to be evaluated for addiction(s) and to involve them in helping create a treatment plan for you.  Addictions require more than just an interesting book penned by a professional writer like Fumio.  As health conditions, they require medical intervention.

An active addiction aside, if you're looking for an interesting book to help you on your new year's path of habit change, "Hello, Habits" might be an entertaining read.  Whatever changes you hope to make in this upcoming year, I wish you great success and increasing health and wellness.

Happy New Year! 

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

*  Sasaki, F. (2021). Hello, habits : a minimalist's guide to a better life. W.W. Norton & Company.  Pg. 276.

The Life Changing Magic of Managing Paperwork (with ADHD!)

Individuals living with ADHD have so many strengths.  But generally speaking, managing paperwork isn't one of them.  Mismanagement of household paper flow can cause you to experience increased stress:  paying missed session fees to doctors and other medical offices for missed appointments, incurring late fees for misplaced bills, missing events due to lost invitations, and experiencing anxiety due to feeling out of control when it comes to paperwork.

I'm here to help you get control of your papers, especially if you have ADHD.

Here's something to try for getting control of your backlog of papers (with apologies to Marie Kondo):

There are three things to do with any given piece of paper.  Ready?

1.  Act

2.  File

3.  Out

It's really this simple.

Depending upon your age, responsibilities, amount of paper you already have, and the volume of paper coming in, this simple process can take an hour or two, or a month or two of diligent, daily work.

To begin, gather two boxes or bins large enough to hold standard size office paper.  Label the boxes (with removable sticky notes or a thick marker) "Act" and "File."

You will also need a trash can and a cross cut paper shredder:  these are for the Out category.

Set a timer for 10 minutes, yes, just 10 minutes.  Pick up a small stack of random paper and beginning with the top paper DECIDE RIGHT THEN its home:  Act, File, Out (trash/recycle or shred).

When the timer rings, put the Act and File boxes away, put away any remaining papers you didn't have time to go through (as in, put them back on top of the stack from which you grabbed them in the first place), take out the trash/recycling, and put away the shredder.

Reward yourself in some small way after each 10 minute session:  a cup of your favorite flavored drink, a quick call to your best friend, your favorite low calorie snack, a short bike ride to watch the sunset, light a pretty candle, or give yourself a foot massage.  Rewarding yourself after an unfavorable job can help you get through it, and sets you up to perhaps look forward to the next paper management session.

This is the process of managing your backlog, over and over and over.

I will write soon on how to create an easy-to-use filing system, and on a daily/weekly paper flow routine to keep incoming paper from overwhelming you.

But this is a great start!

5 Quick Ways to Manage Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal part of being human.  However, the feelings of worry, fear, and "jumpy-ness" that many of us experience in new or unusual circumstances can impact our enjoyment of and ability to function our best in those situations.

Here are five quick tips to help you manage your anxiety so you can live your very best life, even in new or unfamiliar situations:

1.  Recognize how your body is feeling (tense, shallow breathing) and BREATHE.  Yes, it sounds simplistic, but it really helps.  Deep breaths are best.  Try this:  breathe in for 8 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds.  Repeat this 6 or so times and you will begin to feel better.

2.  Talk to yourself.  Remind yourself that this is a new situation and that most people feel a little tense when encountering an unfamiliar situation.  Tell yourself you can find enjoyment in this, and that it's totally ok to feel tense.  Tell yourself to breathe.  Tell yourself you can do this!

3.  Write down your feelings.  A few minutes before you encounter a new situation, write about your feelings and fears in a small journal or smart phone note-taking system.  The act of writing down your anxiety will likely reduce your tense feelings.

4.  Don't go it alone.  Bring along a friend for moral support, especially someone fun, caring, extroverted, or a go-getter.  Let's say you have a scary medical procedure to attend.  Ask a friend to come along (and hang out in the lobby) for moral support.  We are social creatures (even the introverted ones among us!), and any new or anxiety-promoting event can be made less scary when someone familiar to us, who cares about us, comes along.  If no one is able to come with you, then bookend:  call a friend before you face that scary new situation, and then call them afterward to check in.  This technique helps you feel less alone and more supported.

5.  Plan a reward for afterward.  This is classical conditioning at its best:  remember Pavlov's dog?  Ring a bell, feed the dog.  Ring a bell, feed the dog.  Ring a bell, the dog drools (in anticipation of being fed).  My mother practiced classical conditioning with me when I was two years old and needed extensive dental work.  She took me shopping after my appointments and bought me a small toy.  It worked.  I never worried about going to the dentist, ever.  In fact, it worked so well that I look forward to going to the dentist now, almost 5 decades later.   Go to the dentist, get a fun toy.  Go to the dentist, get a fun toy.  Go to the dentist, get excited and anticipate FUN!  You can do this too.  Think of some enjoyable reward that you will provide for yourself after your scary event:  browse in a museum, stop for frozen yogurt, purchase some small specialty item at the gourmet shop or farmer's market, get a pedicure, purchase a new tool for your favorite hobby, spend time at your favorite park or nature reserve.  Plan something enjoyable for afterward, and see if that doesn't help calm some of your anxiety NOW and begin to condition you for facing unfamiliar events in the future.

All the best,
Teresa