How to Start Your New Year Right

You're probably ready to begin changing some things about your life, to start the new year on a positive note.  Perhaps you need some help starting and maintaining a new habit or two.

The book, "Hello, Habits" by Fumio Sasaki is set to release in hardcover on January 4, 2021.  I happen to have a copy sitting in front of me right now, and it is an interesting read on how to create new habits.

Fumio obviously did his research and applied it to his own situation:  he permanently quit drinking, he became a minimalist, and he picked up the habit of writing books (he's written two so far).  Fumio weaves modern psychology and neuroscience into this book's framework.  

My favorite suggestions are "make your targets [steps towards your goals] ridiculously small," take breaks, and "rest aggressively." *

I am not receiving any compensation for this book review; I'm simply offering another resource that might help you accomplish your goals for the upcoming new year.  See this post for additional help with your goals.

However, if you're having a really difficult time motivating yourself to do basic self care and household tasks, you could actually benefit from being evaluated by a medical provider such as a doctor or a psychotherapist.  Lack of motivation to get normal tasks done is called "avolition" and it is one marker for depression and other mental health conditions.  (Before you self-diagnose your own depression or some other condition,  please know that avolition is ONE marker, and you need several specific signs and symptoms to be diagnosed with a mental health condition.)

O.K. back to the book:  the fact that Fumio quit drinking is very admirable; however, if you struggle with mis-use of alcohol, another substance, or a behavior that is making your life really difficult or downright impossible (such as over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming), then please please please seek out help as soon as possible!  There are free 12-Step groups on-line, in person, via phone, and some via email for just about ANY addiction.  Additionally, you might need in-patient or out-patient mental health treatment and other medical intervention to overcome these "habits," which are actually health conditions!  Google "12 step programs for _______________ (over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming, etc.)" for help today.  Next, make an appointment with your primary medical provider ASAP to be evaluated for addiction(s) and to involve them in helping create a treatment plan for you.  Addictions require more than just an interesting book penned by a professional writer like Fumio.  As health conditions, they require medical intervention.

An active addiction aside, if you're looking for an interesting book to help you on your new year's path of habit change, "Hello, Habits" might be an entertaining read.  Whatever changes you hope to make in this upcoming year, I wish you great success and increasing health and wellness.

Happy New Year! 

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

*  Sasaki, F. (2021). Hello, habits : a minimalist's guide to a better life. W.W. Norton & Company.  Pg. 276.

Holiday Stress Busters

 Let's get right to it:  you're stressed!  This time of year is very difficult for many people, especially with this year's social distancing and business/school/activity/fun restrictions.  (Yes, I did in fact say "fun" restrictions....)

Here are a few quick ideas on how to bring back some happy into your holidays:

1.  Spend time with a pet.  Animals are so wonderful. Take your dog out for a walk, just bundle up well if it's cold.  Or play with your cat (if they'll let you) or other critter.  You'll both feel better for it.

2.  Reduce your expectations.  We're all living through a global pandemic, so cut yourself some slack!  If you don't want to follow your holiday decorating, baking, or gift giving rituals, then DON'T.  Or scale back.  Instead of a bedazzled Christmas tree drooping from the weight of four generations of ornaments, and hearths overcrowded with enough poinsettias to poison every cat in Connecticut, step back, and afford yourself the luxury of doing things the easy way this year.  Put up a wreath.  Set up one candle display (advent, menorah, kinara, or other).  Bake ONE kind of cookie.  Whatever your spiritual or cultural practices are for this time of year, reduce your expectations!  No one will DIE if you do, and the reduced stress will help everyone's health.

3.  Keep what's most meaningful to you.  If you can't bear to live through this season without a bedazzled Christmas tree, then reduce other areas of holiday stress so that you KEEP what is most meaningful to you.  For example, I love to give gifts.  Love. It.  So, I planned, created, bought, wrapped, tagged, and sent.  But is my tree--bedazzled or less so--on display?  No, not this year.  I am maintaining the traditions that matter most to me, and reducing my participation in other holiday traditions to keep my family's stress levels manageable. 

4.  Set firm boundaries if you need to.  If you have relatives who are controlling, dismissive, difficult, or quite frankly abusive, then family events where they are present, even the Zoom-ed ones, can compromise your mental health.  Did you catch that?  Family events with people who treat you poorly can compromise your mental health.  So, set some boundaries for your well-being.  How?  Here are a few ideas:  

• Don't attend.  
• Show up with a friend (most mean people treat you nicer if you have a friend along).
• Set a short time limit, and leave the call or the gathering early.
• If you feel obligated to attend, be prepared with conversation topics to steer them away from abusing you.  Asking lighthearted questions keeps the focus on THEM and not on abusing YOU.
• Provide your own transportation to/from the event, if the event is in-person.  If you get into a car/train/Uber with them, you'll be a captive audience and at the mercy of their control.  Don't do it.
• Practice saying "no."  This is not a joke.  Google "how to say no" and you'll find over 3 BILLION links.  

Assertiveness has its perks.  A calm, enjoyable holiday is one of them!

Happy holidays!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW