Sleep is a cornerstone of optimal mental health. Almost all my clients struggle with achieving a healthy amount and quality of sleep each night, and part of our work together consists of helping them develop good sleep habits. Here are six easy tips you can try to help you sleep better, tonight! (Some of these might look familiar, from a previous post, but sleep is such a huge part of good health and self-care that they bear repeating.)
1. Shut off technology at least one hour before turning in. Being available via Facebook, playing computer games, watching a movie on Netflix, or texting your best friend who's vacationing in London will stimulate rather than calm you. So turn 'em off.
2. No sensational news after lunch. Watching horrific stories of tragedies worldwide activates your body's stress response system. You don't need adrenalin coursing through your body a few hours before bed, nor do you need those frightening images keeping you awake. Keep the news off.
3. Background sound. Play sleep-enhancing music (youtube.com has hours of them, for free), run a small fan, or turn on a white noise machine before you turn out the lights. This is especially helpful if you have young adult children living with you who do not keep the same hours as you! (Trust me on this one.) Caution: do NOT use a white noise machine if you have little ones who depend upon you. You need to be able to hear them if they need you in the middle of the night.
4. Drink herbal tea, skip the caffeine (unless you have ADHD). A warm cup of herbal tea (unsweetened, or sweetened with no calorie and all natural stevia) is a divine indulgence, and a great way to relax you for sleep. But here's some good news if you have ADHD: if you have previously noticed that drinking caffeinated beverages makes you sleepy, go ahead and drink caffeinated green tea. I know a psychiatrist who prescribes sugar free diet soda for his ADHD patients who have trouble sleeping. They drink it before bed. And it works!
5. Try magnesium, in the bath or in tablets. Magnesium is a muscle relaxant. So run a warm bath, add Epsom salts (magnesium) to the water, and soak for 15-20 minutes. Or, if you don't have a bathtub, try a tablet or two of magnesium (found in the vitamin aisle at your local pharmacy) with a glass of water an hour or so before bed. Talk to your primary doctor first before using magnesium to relax.
6. Fix your environment. That means keeping your bedroom dark, cool, and decluttered. Turn off all the lights, use black-out curtains, wear an eye mask, whatever it takes to keep it dark. Then, make sure that your bedroom is slightly cool, but not too cold though, or that will keep you awake. Finally, do not allow your bedroom to be your home's catch-all for laundry to fold, holiday decorations, kids' toys, or your cat's bed. Declutter it and improve your sleep! (More to come on decluttering in future posts.)
Bonne nuit!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
7 Tips for Caring for a Difficult Child
Some children are easy to parent: they comply with your directions, pick up after themselves, get up for school on time without much trouble, work hard in their classrooms, do their homework and chores, get long with their siblings, and never get sent to the principal's office.
Other children are more difficult to parent: they cry when they don't get their way, tantrum at just the wrong time and place (on the floor in a check out lane at Target), lose their homework, not only ignore but defy your directions, maybe smoke, maybe drink, maybe worse, argue with everyone including the dog, and spend more time in the principal's office than in class. So how do you manage these kids?
Wow, I wish I had easy answers that work for every parent for every child in every situation, but I don't. I do, however, have some helpful guidelines in your struggle to care for these tough kids.
1. Take care of yourself first! That means making sure you have time scheduled for activities that bring your joy and fulfillment: joining a softball league, taking time to go golfing with friends, a monthly massage or facial (or both!), daily solitude (an absolute must for me), or an afternoon alone with a good book while your child's aunt or grandparents take her to the park or the zoo. I often remind parents: If mama goes down, the whole family goes down.
2. Increase your time spent in positive interactions with your child. These tough kids are used to being scolded, sent to their rooms, lectured, and having their toys, cell phones, or computer privileges taken away. Why not try to increase the "good times" you spend with your child? You will be improving your parenting as well as building your relationship with your child. And perhaps your child's behaviors may just improve!
3. Check your child's schedule, and reduce or remove overwhelming activities. Kids in the American culture today often have too much on their schedules. Reducing time spent away from home may help your child cope more successfully with school and other necessary activities, such as medical or therapy appointments.
4. Get help for your child. That means seeking out all the educational and community resources available, such as special education services, Medicaid, therapy, respite care, and community based one-on-one services. Call your county's Children's Mental Health Services at the Department of Health and Welfare for assistance.
5. Look to improve your family's sleep habits. Lack of sleep makes everything more difficult, and impairs your ability to function at your best. This holds true for your child. So, set a bedtime and do your best to stick to it. No sensational (i.e. violent) news stories or action movies prior to bedtime, for you or your kids. Also make sure that all fun electronics (cell phone, TV, gaming systems, computer, etc.) are removed from your child's room at bedtime, with the exception of something to play relaxing music. Music CD's can be borrowed for free from your public library, and if you have internet connection, use youtube.com and seek out relaxing music on any device that has internet capabilities. Finally, if you or your child are still having trouble sleeping, talk to your family doctor or nurse practitioner about using melatonin or another safe sleep aid. Melatonin was a life-saver for my little insomniacs! But do clear it with your family doctor first.
6. Get help for YOU! That means your own therapy to help youcope thrive! YOUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING ARE EVERY BIT AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR CHILD'S. Re-read that last sentence if the caps failed to gain your attention in your sleep-deprived state.
7. This too shall pass. "Sure it will!" you snort at me. Well, it WILL pass. I have lived through some dark times as a parent of a severely disabled child, and I am here to encourage you to not give up, but to press on through the most trying times and to look towards a better future: yours as well as your child's. There will come a time when you will have to manage fewer if any behavioral problems, you will have more sleep, and you will not have to answer phone calls from the principal. I haven't had a phone call from a school principal in years. You'll get there too!
Be well!
Other children are more difficult to parent: they cry when they don't get their way, tantrum at just the wrong time and place (on the floor in a check out lane at Target), lose their homework, not only ignore but defy your directions, maybe smoke, maybe drink, maybe worse, argue with everyone including the dog, and spend more time in the principal's office than in class. So how do you manage these kids?
Wow, I wish I had easy answers that work for every parent for every child in every situation, but I don't. I do, however, have some helpful guidelines in your struggle to care for these tough kids.
1. Take care of yourself first! That means making sure you have time scheduled for activities that bring your joy and fulfillment: joining a softball league, taking time to go golfing with friends, a monthly massage or facial (or both!), daily solitude (an absolute must for me), or an afternoon alone with a good book while your child's aunt or grandparents take her to the park or the zoo. I often remind parents: If mama goes down, the whole family goes down.
2. Increase your time spent in positive interactions with your child. These tough kids are used to being scolded, sent to their rooms, lectured, and having their toys, cell phones, or computer privileges taken away. Why not try to increase the "good times" you spend with your child? You will be improving your parenting as well as building your relationship with your child. And perhaps your child's behaviors may just improve!
3. Check your child's schedule, and reduce or remove overwhelming activities. Kids in the American culture today often have too much on their schedules. Reducing time spent away from home may help your child cope more successfully with school and other necessary activities, such as medical or therapy appointments.
4. Get help for your child. That means seeking out all the educational and community resources available, such as special education services, Medicaid, therapy, respite care, and community based one-on-one services. Call your county's Children's Mental Health Services at the Department of Health and Welfare for assistance.
5. Look to improve your family's sleep habits. Lack of sleep makes everything more difficult, and impairs your ability to function at your best. This holds true for your child. So, set a bedtime and do your best to stick to it. No sensational (i.e. violent) news stories or action movies prior to bedtime, for you or your kids. Also make sure that all fun electronics (cell phone, TV, gaming systems, computer, etc.) are removed from your child's room at bedtime, with the exception of something to play relaxing music. Music CD's can be borrowed for free from your public library, and if you have internet connection, use youtube.com and seek out relaxing music on any device that has internet capabilities. Finally, if you or your child are still having trouble sleeping, talk to your family doctor or nurse practitioner about using melatonin or another safe sleep aid. Melatonin was a life-saver for my little insomniacs! But do clear it with your family doctor first.
6. Get help for YOU! That means your own therapy to help you
7. This too shall pass. "Sure it will!" you snort at me. Well, it WILL pass. I have lived through some dark times as a parent of a severely disabled child, and I am here to encourage you to not give up, but to press on through the most trying times and to look towards a better future: yours as well as your child's. There will come a time when you will have to manage fewer if any behavioral problems, you will have more sleep, and you will not have to answer phone calls from the principal. I haven't had a phone call from a school principal in years. You'll get there too!
Be well!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Why Psychotherapy?
Why spend time each week talking to a therapist? Why not just call your best friend, or spill your story to your co-worker over the water cooler, or talk to your spouse? Do people really need therapists? Aren't therapists just for the severely mentally ill?
What good questions. Let me answer this way: The lives of the overwhelming majority of my clients--as long as they remain actively involved in the course of treatment--improve not only during treatment, but in the months and years beyond treatment. There's scientific evidence that supports this on-going change, particularly with psychodynamic psychotherapy, which I practice.*
But what you need to know is that psychotherapy is deeply important work. It has made a profound difference in my own life as a former client in year's past. It is life changing. And, in some cases involving suicidal thoughts or self-harm, therapy is life-saving.
Psychotherapy can help you overcome the negative aspects of early childhood difficulties or outright traumas. It can help to not only restore but expand your ability to function after a painful break-up, job loss, or health crisis. Psychotherapy can help you address problems you may have with anger, addictions, depression, anxiety, grief and mourning, parenting, romantic relationships, care giving, and managing change.
Psychotherapy, with a well-trained and compassionate therapist, can improve your life. If you are facing any problem or situation that is making your life difficult, miserable or outright intolerable, don't give up. There is hope! There is so much you can do, and a first step may be to love yourself enough to find a caring therapist. Why not begin to thrive instead of just survive?
Be well!
*Shedler, J. (November 01, 2010). Getting to Know Me. Scientific American Mind, 21, 5.
What good questions. Let me answer this way: The lives of the overwhelming majority of my clients--as long as they remain actively involved in the course of treatment--improve not only during treatment, but in the months and years beyond treatment. There's scientific evidence that supports this on-going change, particularly with psychodynamic psychotherapy, which I practice.*
But what you need to know is that psychotherapy is deeply important work. It has made a profound difference in my own life as a former client in year's past. It is life changing. And, in some cases involving suicidal thoughts or self-harm, therapy is life-saving.
Psychotherapy can help you overcome the negative aspects of early childhood difficulties or outright traumas. It can help to not only restore but expand your ability to function after a painful break-up, job loss, or health crisis. Psychotherapy can help you address problems you may have with anger, addictions, depression, anxiety, grief and mourning, parenting, romantic relationships, care giving, and managing change.
Psychotherapy, with a well-trained and compassionate therapist, can improve your life. If you are facing any problem or situation that is making your life difficult, miserable or outright intolerable, don't give up. There is hope! There is so much you can do, and a first step may be to love yourself enough to find a caring therapist. Why not begin to thrive instead of just survive?
Be well!
*Shedler, J. (November 01, 2010). Getting to Know Me. Scientific American Mind, 21, 5.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)