How to Motivate Yourself to Accomplish Difficult Things

Motivation and goal achievement are hard enough.  It can be extremely difficult when you are living with depression, anxiety, or other health conditions.  

Or also if you're faced with something overwhelming and frightening, like...living through a global pandemic. 

So, here are a few quick tips to help you overcome your late January motivational slump:

1.  Make a list of your top two or three tasks per day (or per hour, depending upon your level of busyness and responsibilities.).  Cross them off when you do them.  Yay! It feels good to accomplish stuff!

2.  Plan a reward for each task completed that is in line with your new habit goal.  Think of low- or no-cost rewards, and consider your five senses too.  For example, I recommend using scented body wash and shampoo as a reward (actually a tool) to help people meet their waking up by _______ a.m./p.m. goal (whatever your be-out-of-bed goal happens to be).  So, let's say your wake up goal is 6:30 a.m.  On the days you get out of bed and into the shower before or by 6:30, you reward yourself with using the scented products.  If you don't make your goal, you use regular or unscented products.  (If you have allergies or sensory aversions to commercial scents, try adding a skin-safe essential oil to unscented products or light a natural candle as a reward).  Other rewards can include listening to a favorite song, watching the sunrise, petting your dog or cat, calling a friend, eating your preferred breakfast, or (wait for it) wearing a new pair of socks.  I know!  New socks feel amazing!  (It doesn't take much to thrill us during this pandemic, does it?) The possibilities for small rewards are endless.  

3.  Cut yourself some slack.  We are in the midst of a global pandemic that has turned our world upside down.  So, if you broke your new year's resolution to start exercising daily, then please stop beating yourself up.  Be kind to yourself!  Maybe shorten the goal to something more achievable, such as exercise three times per week, and instead of an hour (gah!) each time you do exercise, maybe start with, hmm, five minutes?  Smaller goals are less intimidating than big, scary ones, are easier to complete, and give you the satisfaction of making progress--however small--towards your best life.

Be immensely kind to yourself.  Change is difficult.  

If you're finding yourself really struggling with day-to-day life, you may benefit from seeing a counselor.  Many (including me) offer sessions via privacy-safe on-line platforms or via phone.  Some insurance companies are covering the entire cost for mental health services provided via telehealth or phone!  Call your insurer to find out what mental health benefits your policy covers*.

Now, since you accomplished reading this post to the end, go reward yourself with some Eagles music, a funny cat video, or a pair of nice fluffy socks.

Happy 2021!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

* If you do not have health insurance, or are under-insured, and are living in the United States, there are ways to access free or very low cost health services, including mental health counseling.  Your place of worship may offer free counseling, universities and colleges near your home may have an internship program that offers free counseling by supervised graduate students, or you can contact the National Health Service Corps.  You can find a location close to you here:  https://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/ or call them directly, their contact information is here: https://nhsc.hrsa.gov/about-us 

How to Start Your New Year Right

You're probably ready to begin changing some things about your life, to start the new year on a positive note.  Perhaps you need some help starting and maintaining a new habit or two.

The book, "Hello, Habits" by Fumio Sasaki is set to release in hardcover on January 4, 2021.  I happen to have a copy sitting in front of me right now, and it is an interesting read on how to create new habits.

Fumio obviously did his research and applied it to his own situation:  he permanently quit drinking, he became a minimalist, and he picked up the habit of writing books (he's written two so far).  Fumio weaves modern psychology and neuroscience into this book's framework.  

My favorite suggestions are "make your targets [steps towards your goals] ridiculously small," take breaks, and "rest aggressively." *

I am not receiving any compensation for this book review; I'm simply offering another resource that might help you accomplish your goals for the upcoming new year.  See this post for additional help with your goals.

However, if you're having a really difficult time motivating yourself to do basic self care and household tasks, you could actually benefit from being evaluated by a medical provider such as a doctor or a psychotherapist.  Lack of motivation to get normal tasks done is called "avolition" and it is one marker for depression and other mental health conditions.  (Before you self-diagnose your own depression or some other condition,  please know that avolition is ONE marker, and you need several specific signs and symptoms to be diagnosed with a mental health condition.)

O.K. back to the book:  the fact that Fumio quit drinking is very admirable; however, if you struggle with mis-use of alcohol, another substance, or a behavior that is making your life really difficult or downright impossible (such as over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming), then please please please seek out help as soon as possible!  There are free 12-Step groups on-line, in person, via phone, and some via email for just about ANY addiction.  Additionally, you might need in-patient or out-patient mental health treatment and other medical intervention to overcome these "habits," which are actually health conditions!  Google "12 step programs for _______________ (over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming, etc.)" for help today.  Next, make an appointment with your primary medical provider ASAP to be evaluated for addiction(s) and to involve them in helping create a treatment plan for you.  Addictions require more than just an interesting book penned by a professional writer like Fumio.  As health conditions, they require medical intervention.

An active addiction aside, if you're looking for an interesting book to help you on your new year's path of habit change, "Hello, Habits" might be an entertaining read.  Whatever changes you hope to make in this upcoming year, I wish you great success and increasing health and wellness.

Happy New Year! 

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

*  Sasaki, F. (2021). Hello, habits : a minimalist's guide to a better life. W.W. Norton & Company.  Pg. 276.

New Year's Resolutions: Are They Working?

It's no secret that new year's resolutions often peter out by the second week of January, which is where we are today.

Did you set any resolutions for yourself this year?  How's it going?

That bad, eh?

Can I offer an alternative?

Set goals.

Truly, resolutions are usually so lofty and overwhelming that they are paralyzing, leaving you feeling defeated and unmotivated year after year.  Seriously, how do you feel after resolving to "lose weight, declutter my entire house, save for retirement, and get out of debt this year!" and then NOT achieving any of those things?  Do you feel empowered, positive, successful, and accomplished?

Probably not.

By setting these resolutions, you're setting yourself up for failure.

Try setting goals and making those goals S.M.A.R.T.:  Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-specific.

To transform the above resolutions into SMART goals, they look like this instead:

"This year I will...

-  lose 10 pounds by Memorial Day,
-  clear the garage of 15 boxes by July 4th in time for the barbecue at my house,
-  declutter the guest room and turn it into a music room by Thanksgiving,
-  save $2000 for retirement by my December 15th paycheck, and
-  pay $50 extra per month to one credit card for 12 months."

Setting these kinds of goals (not resolutions) and reviewing them weekly will propel you forward towards actually reaching them.  And each week, take some small step towards achieving them.  If you fall off track one week, just begin anew the next week.  Before you know it, it will be December 31 again and you will be amazed at what you have accomplished in just one year.

So, what are you waiting for?!  Go set a SMART goal or two, and watch how much better you will feel about your future AND about yourself!

Blue skies!

5 Quick Ways to Manage Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal part of being human.  However, the feelings of worry, fear, and "jumpy-ness" that many of us experience in new or unusual circumstances can impact our enjoyment of and ability to function our best in those situations.

Here are five quick tips to help you manage your anxiety so you can live your very best life, even in new or unfamiliar situations:

1.  Recognize how your body is feeling (tense, shallow breathing) and BREATHE.  Yes, it sounds simplistic, but it really helps.  Deep breaths are best.  Try this:  breathe in for 8 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds.  Repeat this 6 or so times and you will begin to feel better.

2.  Talk to yourself.  Remind yourself that this is a new situation and that most people feel a little tense when encountering an unfamiliar situation.  Tell yourself you can find enjoyment in this, and that it's totally ok to feel tense.  Tell yourself to breathe.  Tell yourself you can do this!

3.  Write down your feelings.  A few minutes before you encounter a new situation, write about your feelings and fears in a small journal or smart phone note-taking system.  The act of writing down your anxiety will likely reduce your tense feelings.

4.  Don't go it alone.  Bring along a friend for moral support, especially someone fun, caring, extroverted, or a go-getter.  Let's say you have a scary medical procedure to attend.  Ask a friend to come along (and hang out in the lobby) for moral support.  We are social creatures (even the introverted ones among us!), and any new or anxiety-promoting event can be made less scary when someone familiar to us, who cares about us, comes along.  If no one is able to come with you, then bookend:  call a friend before you face that scary new situation, and then call them afterward to check in.  This technique helps you feel less alone and more supported.

5.  Plan a reward for afterward.  This is classical conditioning at its best:  remember Pavlov's dog?  Ring a bell, feed the dog.  Ring a bell, feed the dog.  Ring a bell, the dog drools (in anticipation of being fed).  My mother practiced classical conditioning with me when I was two years old and needed extensive dental work.  She took me shopping after my appointments and bought me a small toy.  It worked.  I never worried about going to the dentist, ever.  In fact, it worked so well that I look forward to going to the dentist now, almost 5 decades later.   Go to the dentist, get a fun toy.  Go to the dentist, get a fun toy.  Go to the dentist, get excited and anticipate FUN!  You can do this too.  Think of some enjoyable reward that you will provide for yourself after your scary event:  browse in a museum, stop for frozen yogurt, purchase some small specialty item at the gourmet shop or farmer's market, get a pedicure, purchase a new tool for your favorite hobby, spend time at your favorite park or nature reserve.  Plan something enjoyable for afterward, and see if that doesn't help calm some of your anxiety NOW and begin to condition you for facing unfamiliar events in the future.

All the best,
Teresa