Mindfulness for Stress Reduction

Mindfulness can be an excellent tool to help reduce your experience of stress and help you to live a better life.

Mindfulness is simply being aware of your present situation, emotions, environment, body, thoughts, etc.

Let me give you an example: 

You and your teen-ager are discussing their use of the car this Friday night to go to a school function.  You say that this privilege is contingent upon their completing three missing assignments in math class.  Your teen begins to whine, complain, and resist.  Your blood pressure rises, as does the volume of your voice.  Then your teen gets defensive.  Before you know it, both you and your teen are in a full blown argument.  How did that happen again?

Without self-awareness and other-awareness, situations like this will continue to play out until your little darlin' launches off to college, career, or the military.

How do you practice mindfulness?

Good news!  Mindfulness is a learnable skill.  Here is a quick way (of many ways) to begin using mindfulness:

Take a deep breath.

Seriously.

Five or six in a row.

And just observe how you're feeling, what you're seeing, if your jaw or shoulders are clinched, what sounds you're hearing.

And pause.

Practicing mindfulness when you are alone and not agitated is a great way to improve the skill, so that when you ARE in a situation like I described above, you will be able to calm your nervous system and be able to think and act in a calmer way.

Try it, not just for a few times, but for a few times per day for several weeks.  Your experience of day-to-day stress is likely to drop, if not a large amount, then at least a small (but not insignificant) amount.

I believe you'll be very surprised at the results.

Peace and calm to you,

Teresa

Teresa Heald, LCSW

Test Anxiety

Are you a student?  Are final exams (sometimes called EOC's, or end of course exams) fast approaching?  Do you struggle with nervousness over taking tests?  

You might have test anxiety.

It's a thing.

It's not a mental disorder per se, but it is very real.  And the fall-out is real too:  individuals with test anxiety perform worse than their actual potential, and it can impact long-term quality of life.*

So, how do you "fix" it?

There are so many strategies to help you reduce text anxiety.  Here are a few general tips.

1.  It starts with good preparation the week or day before:  being well-prepared for a test will help you to feel more in control, and feeling more in control of a situation reduces the anxiety you will feel.  So, review your homework assignments, re-read or skim specific chapters, make flash cards (Quizlet.com allows you to make your own flash cards on your smart phone!) and complete the study guide given out by your instructor.

2.  Get a good night's sleep the night before your exam.  Here are some tips.

3.  On the day of the exam, try to eat a healthy breakfast, make sure you arrive at the test site early, and take deep breaths to lower your anxiety.  When anxious, humans take small, shallow breaths.  You want to breathe deeply, as if you were inhaling the aroma of a beautiful rose.

4.  Continue to breathe deeply during the test.  This will help you to think more clearly, and thus, perform better.

Bonne chance!

Teresa

Teresa Heald, LCSW

* Zwettler, C., Reiss, N., Rohrmann, S., Warnecke, I., Luka-Krausgrill, U., & van Dick, R. (2018). The relation between social identity and test anxiety in university students. Health psychology open, 5(2), 2055102918785415. https://doi.org/10.1177/2055102918785415  Retrieved on 04/20/2022 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6069033/

How to Celebrate Safely

 So the holiday season approaches and brings up the big question:  how do we celebrate and stay safe from Covid?

Great question!

For the most up-to-the-minute health recommendations, follow this CDC link: 

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/prevention.html

Stay well!

Teresa

Teresa Heald, LCSW

Please Get Vaccinated for Your Neighbors' Sake!

Fellow Idahoans, as a mental health care professional, I am strongly urging you to go get vaccinated against Covid-19.  Governor Little had to activate the National Guard three days ago because we are down to FOUR (yes, just four) ICU hospital beds available in our entire state. *

These beds are being taken up mostly by unvaccinated people.

The situation in our great state is COMPLETELY unnecessary if all the unvaccinated Idahoans would simply go to their closest pharmacy and get the COMPLETELY FREE vaccine!  

If you won't do it for yourself, please go get vaccinated to protect your friends, neighbors, immune-compromised individuals, and all the children under age 12 who CAN'T get vaccinated yet.  

Covid is KILLING Idahoans.  Every. Single. Day.

And it's so unnecessary!

Idaho, we can do SO much better. 

If you're worried about it being "safe" to get vaccinated, well the FDA granted full approval of the Pfizer vaccine just over a week ago.**  Yay!!  This means it's proven to be as safe as your standard flu shot that most of us get each fall.  

We don't overthink getting a flu shot.  

So let's stop overthinking getting a Covid shot.  

I've been vaccinated since late winter.  I'm doing whatever I can to not be a petri dish of Covid for the people around me, including my 10 year-old grandson.

Please, just do it.

Please, friends.  Go get vaccinated!

With heartfelt love to you all, from a born-and-raised in Idaho gal,

Teresa

Tereas Heald, LCSW

* https://gov.idaho.gov/pressrelease/gov-little-activates-national-guard-again-directs-hundreds-of-new-medical-personnel-to-help-idaho-hospitals-overwhelmed-with-unvaccinated-covid-19-patients/

**https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/fda-approves-first-covid-19-vaccine

Help for Infertility

Couples who want to conceive a child but can not achieve pregnancy successfully may experience many emotional challenges.  Infertility can lead to stress, depression, and anxiety, among other issues.1  

But here is some great news:  psychotherapy can increase the odds that a couple facing infertility can become pregnant.1   Isn't that exciting?!

In addition, talking to a psychotherapist may reduce depression, anxiety, and the distress that oftentimes accompany infertility treatment.1

A type of therapy, called cognitive behavioral therapy, actually works better than the anti-depressant medication fluoxetine in treating infertility stress.2 

Who knew that going to a therapist could increase the odds that a couple can achieve pregnancy?  

If you are struggling with infertility, perhaps seeing a psychotherapist or counselor trained in treating infertility would be a helpful addition to your treatment.  

Be well!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

1 Frederiksen,, Y., Farver-Vestergaard, I., Skovgard, N., et al. (2015).  Efficacy of psychosocial interventions for psychological and pregnancy outcomes in infertile women and men: a systematic review and meta-analysis.  British Medical Journal Open, 5(1). 

2  Faramarzi, M., Pasha, H., Esmialzadeh, S., et al. (2008).  The Effect of the The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Pharmacotherapy on Infertility Stress: A Randomized Controlled Trial.  Journal of Affective Disorders, 108(1-2), 159-64.

Easy Way to Increase Your Focus

Looking for an easy way to increase your ability to focus?  

Try a fidget!

Fidgets are anything you use that keeps your body in motion while doing a task.  We may tap our fingers, bounce our legs, click pens, squeeze stress putty, or fiddle with our nails or our keys.  

Research proves that fidgeting improves the ability to concentrate, especially in individuals with ADHD.  This article gives you more information on how fidgets improve your focus. 

Fidgets also help reduce the experience of anxiety and stress, and can help to calm a person who is mildly agitated.

Here's a great glow in the dark fidget that mimics popping bubble wrap, and you can use it over and over.  I got this one at amazon.com.  

You will probably want to mute your microphone if you're using a pop bubble fidget like this during a conference call or while attending a webinar.  It makes a very faint but noticeable sound.  

But not all fidgets make noise; most of them don't.  Fidgets come in many sizes; some are small enough to carry in your pocket or on your keychain.  And almost anything can become a fidget if it keeps your hands busy while you talk, read, listen, watch a training, attend a conference call, study, or contemplate your bank statements as you prepare for tax season.

Have fun while you focus!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

How to Motivate Yourself to Accomplish Difficult Things

Motivation and goal achievement are hard enough.  It can be extremely difficult when you are living with depression, anxiety, or other health conditions.  

Or also if you're faced with something overwhelming and frightening, like...living through a global pandemic. 

So, here are a few quick tips to help you overcome your late January motivational slump:

1.  Make a list of your top two or three tasks per day (or per hour, depending upon your level of busyness and responsibilities.).  Cross them off when you do them.  Yay! It feels good to accomplish stuff!

2.  Plan a reward for each task completed that is in line with your new habit goal.  Think of low- or no-cost rewards, and consider your five senses too.  For example, I recommend using scented body wash and shampoo as a reward (actually a tool) to help people meet their waking up by _______ a.m./p.m. goal (whatever your be-out-of-bed goal happens to be).  So, let's say your wake up goal is 6:30 a.m.  On the days you get out of bed and into the shower before or by 6:30, you reward yourself with using the scented products.  If you don't make your goal, you use regular or unscented products.  (If you have allergies or sensory aversions to commercial scents, try adding a skin-safe essential oil to unscented products or light a natural candle as a reward).  Other rewards can include listening to a favorite song, watching the sunrise, petting your dog or cat, calling a friend, eating your preferred breakfast, or (wait for it) wearing a new pair of socks.  I know!  New socks feel amazing!  (It doesn't take much to thrill us during this pandemic, does it?) The possibilities for small rewards are endless.  

3.  Cut yourself some slack.  We are in the midst of a global pandemic that has turned our world upside down.  So, if you broke your new year's resolution to start exercising daily, then please stop beating yourself up.  Be kind to yourself!  Maybe shorten the goal to something more achievable, such as exercise three times per week, and instead of an hour (gah!) each time you do exercise, maybe start with, hmm, five minutes?  Smaller goals are less intimidating than big, scary ones, are easier to complete, and give you the satisfaction of making progress--however small--towards your best life.

Be immensely kind to yourself.  Change is difficult.  

If you're finding yourself really struggling with day-to-day life, you may benefit from seeing a counselor.  Many (including me) offer sessions via privacy-safe on-line platforms or via phone.  Some insurance companies are covering the entire cost for mental health services provided via telehealth or phone!  Call your insurer to find out what mental health benefits your policy covers*.

Now, since you accomplished reading this post to the end, go reward yourself with some Eagles music, a funny cat video, or a pair of nice fluffy socks.

Happy 2021!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

* If you do not have health insurance, or are under-insured, and are living in the United States, there are ways to access free or very low cost health services, including mental health counseling.  Your place of worship may offer free counseling, universities and colleges near your home may have an internship program that offers free counseling by supervised graduate students, or you can contact the National Health Service Corps.  You can find a location close to you here:  https://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/ or call them directly, their contact information is here: https://nhsc.hrsa.gov/about-us 

Holiday Stress Busters

 Let's get right to it:  you're stressed!  This time of year is very difficult for many people, especially with this year's social distancing and business/school/activity/fun restrictions.  (Yes, I did in fact say "fun" restrictions....)

Here are a few quick ideas on how to bring back some happy into your holidays:

1.  Spend time with a pet.  Animals are so wonderful. Take your dog out for a walk, just bundle up well if it's cold.  Or play with your cat (if they'll let you) or other critter.  You'll both feel better for it.

2.  Reduce your expectations.  We're all living through a global pandemic, so cut yourself some slack!  If you don't want to follow your holiday decorating, baking, or gift giving rituals, then DON'T.  Or scale back.  Instead of a bedazzled Christmas tree drooping from the weight of four generations of ornaments, and hearths overcrowded with enough poinsettias to poison every cat in Connecticut, step back, and afford yourself the luxury of doing things the easy way this year.  Put up a wreath.  Set up one candle display (advent, menorah, kinara, or other).  Bake ONE kind of cookie.  Whatever your spiritual or cultural practices are for this time of year, reduce your expectations!  No one will DIE if you do, and the reduced stress will help everyone's health.

3.  Keep what's most meaningful to you.  If you can't bear to live through this season without a bedazzled Christmas tree, then reduce other areas of holiday stress so that you KEEP what is most meaningful to you.  For example, I love to give gifts.  Love. It.  So, I planned, created, bought, wrapped, tagged, and sent.  But is my tree--bedazzled or less so--on display?  No, not this year.  I am maintaining the traditions that matter most to me, and reducing my participation in other holiday traditions to keep my family's stress levels manageable. 

4.  Set firm boundaries if you need to.  If you have relatives who are controlling, dismissive, difficult, or quite frankly abusive, then family events where they are present, even the Zoom-ed ones, can compromise your mental health.  Did you catch that?  Family events with people who treat you poorly can compromise your mental health.  So, set some boundaries for your well-being.  How?  Here are a few ideas:  

• Don't attend.  
• Show up with a friend (most mean people treat you nicer if you have a friend along).
• Set a short time limit, and leave the call or the gathering early.
• If you feel obligated to attend, be prepared with conversation topics to steer them away from abusing you.  Asking lighthearted questions keeps the focus on THEM and not on abusing YOU.
• Provide your own transportation to/from the event, if the event is in-person.  If you get into a car/train/Uber with them, you'll be a captive audience and at the mercy of their control.  Don't do it.
• Practice saying "no."  This is not a joke.  Google "how to say no" and you'll find over 3 BILLION links.  

Assertiveness has its perks.  A calm, enjoyable holiday is one of them!

Happy holidays!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

Do Weighted Blankets Help Lower Anxiety?

In one word, yes.  Research demonstrates that weighted blankets do appear to reduce anxiety.*

Perhaps you have seen or heard about weighted blankets, and are curious if such a blanket might help calm your anxious feelings of free-falling through space since Covid-19 turned this world upside down.

Weighted blankets are basically two thin, separate blankets sewn together, filled with batting and heavy beads.  The weight of the blanket is surprisingly comforting, as long as you select the correct weight.  I recommend choosing a blanket that weighs approximately 10% of your body weight, or as close to 10% as you can get.  You don't want to get one that's too heavy for your body size as it could feel uncomfortably heavy and restricting.  And too light of a blanket might not help reduce anxious feelings.  It could still keep you warm though.

I recently tried using a plush weighted blanket.  While it was soft and warm, the weight was definitely a bit too heavy for me; it was three pounds too much.  It made it difficult for me to to relax while sitting on the sofa because the blanket was too heavy.   But when one of my grown sons tried it out, he loved it so much that he didn't take it off his shoulders the entire time we were visiting.  The weight was just perfect for him.  So it's important to find a blanket that is a good fit for you, in terms of weight.

Some weighted blankets are machine washable.  That's the kind I recommend, because seriously, who needs to make an extra trip to the dry cleaners during a global pandemic?

While you don't need to have anxiety or a prescription in order to purchase a weighted blanket, it's still a good idea to talk to your health care provider (therapist, counselor, doctor, nurse practitioner, etc.) and ask them if using a weighted blanket might enhance your well-being.  

Be warm and merry!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

* Becklund AL, Rapp-McCall L, Nudo J. Using weighted blankets in an inpatient mental health hospital to decrease anxiety. J Integr Med. 2020; Epub ahead of print.  Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S209549642030131X on 11/30/2020.

* Vinson J, Powers J, Mosesso K. Weighted Blankets: Anxiety Reduction in Adult Patients Receiving Chemotherapy. Clinical Journal of Oncology Nursing. 2020 Aug;24(4):360-368. DOI: 10.1188/20.cjon.360-368.

* Burch, E., Hartog, K.D., Godfredsen, M., Jansen, M., The Use of Weighted Blankets in Patients With Anxiety. Northwestern College Dept. of Nursing.  April 2019.  Retrieved from https://nwcommons.nwciowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1016&context=celebrationofresearch on 11/30/2020.

Help! Family Road Trip Ahead!

Are you traveling with kids this summer?  Planning a family vacation to a great National Park, a theme park, or great-grandma's house?  Does thinking about 11 hours held captive (via seatbelt) in the family car make you want to run and hide under the kitchen table?

Take heart brave soul!  Travel with kids (or teens) CAN be fun.  Crawl out from under that table and I'll fill you in on some great tips:

1.  Plan plan plan.  As in, every last little detail.  Leave nothing to chance.  The more prepared you are, the less anxiety you will feel.  Plan your clothing needs, your kids' clothing needs, the rest stops, meals, snacks, some activities en route, some activities once you get there, lodging, medication issues (don't forget to the call your pharmacist and ask if anti-nausea medication is appropriate for your child who tends towards motion sickness), car tune up prior to departure, and any gifts you want to bring with you for friends or family.  Better still, involve your kids and teens in the planning too!  They will take more ownership for the trip this way, vs. feeling as if they're being dragged along.

2.  Boredom isn't terminal.  Driving or riding in a car can be boring.  So what.  Plan some activities (notice I said "some") for the car trip itself, but once you run out of ideas, allow your kids to experience boredom.  Many creative games, ideas, and inventions are birthed in kids' minds while the family cruises down the interstate.  On the trip back, the kids (and you!) will need that boredom/quiet time to process all the fun events that occurred during your vacation.  For younger kids, supply a few small toy people and animal figures for them to play out the events of the trip while you drive home.

3.  Take sufficient stretch breaks.  Stop somewhere scenic for lunch, walk around the rest stop and look at the vegetation or the ubiquitous maps, and maybe even bring a hula hoop or jump rope to help squirmy little ones expend some of their energy.

4.  Employ a token system to reduce arguing or bickering among siblings.  Provide each child with a roll of quarters at the outset of your trip.  Tell them that each time you have to intervene for complaining or bickering, you will "fine" the child or children one quarter.  What quarters each child has left once you reach your destination is theirs to spend.  Repeat for the homeward bound leg of the journey with new rolls of quarters.  If a whole roll of quarters seems like too much (or too little) money, adjust by using dimes, nickels, or (for teens), $100 bills (just kidding!).  But truly, $10 each way for each child is a bargain in my book, given how much more peaceful your trip will be.  And you were going to give them spending money anyway, so why not try this easy way to keep the peace and encourage your kids to practice peaceful conflict resolution and self-regulation.  This is NOT bribing.  Bribing is a term that is generally reserved for illegal actions used to gain favor.  Rewarding children for positive behaviors (they get to keep all their quarters) and penalizing them for negative ones is in no way a bribe; it helps them learn self control and gives them choices.  Consider this: If the state police allow you to keep your $150 because you drive the speed limit vs. the police requiring you to pay $150 to the county (via the speeding ticket they issued you) for your choice to drive faster than the posted speed limit, would you say the state police force are "bribing" you to drive 65mph?  No, it's behavior modification, and the choice to keep $150 or give it to the state is entirely within your control.

5.  If your child/teen will be the only minor traveling with you, see if they would like to invite a friend along.  They will love you forever (well, maybe), you will lessen the load on yourself, and your child will have even more fun because everything (even a boring car trip) is a party when your best friend is with you.  Remember to get written permission from that child's parents as well as permission from them granting you power to agree to emergency medical care if needed.

6.  Things likely won't go as planned.  Roads are closed for construction, the hotel overbooked, little Juan hates the pool, you and your other half bicker to the extent that you hand HIM a roll of quarters, and the forgotten sunscreen leads to an uncomfortable night of fitful sleep for everyone.  Stuff happens.  It's part of the journey!   It's ok.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Vacations, road trips, and families are imperfect.  Take some deep breaths, let go of your need for perfection, and keep moving forward.

7.  Enjoy the trip!  Kids are 4 years old only once.  They're also only 5, 6, 7, 12, 15, and 17 only once.  My little ones are big, grown up ones now, and family road trips are incredibly rare.  Take photos of your child and you together, especially "selfies" of you all crowded together where ever you go.  Cherish each day with your kids, and remember that these precious years fly by.  Go make some memories.  Don't forget to send me a post card!

Happy trails!

Valentine's Day Stress and What to Do About It

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day!  I have noticed there are three camps of people when it comes to this holiday (see which one fits you this year):

1.  You love to celebrate with candy, cards, flowers, gifts, heart-shaped decorations, glitter, love songs, sparkling cider, stuffed bears holding a heart shaped box of chocolates, or any combination of these things.
2.  You see it as just another consumer-driven holiday, no big deal, and simply get on with your day.
3.  You feel...bad in some way.  Anxious, stressed, sad.

If you find yourself in the first camp, go to it!  Have a blast, sprinkle glittery heart warm fuzzies all around you.  Just stick to a reasonable budget and save a piece of chocolate for me!

If you are in camp two, hey, enjoy the chocolate that may come your way from the gooey, glitter-sprinkling, candy-wielding co-workers and loved ones you may encounter (and be thankful for them, those loving souls!).  If, however, you are one half of a romantic relationship, you might want to at least go get a card and a box of chocolates, or a bouquet of flowers for your honey.  It could improve your relationship.  Just sayin'.  (I am, in fact, a couples counselor too.)

If you are in camp three, keep reading.  This post is for you.

Valentine's Day can be a difficult day for some people, at certain times in their lives.  It is a holiday high-lighting love and lovers, and if you feel some lack or absence in either love or having a romantic partner, Valentine's Day can inspire stress-filled thoughts and negative emotions within you.

Let's first acknowledge that you DON'T have to participate in this holiday if you don't want to.

Let's also acknowledge any loss or void you have in your life if you are not feeling loved right now, or if you have a hurtful, hard, emotionally charged past in terms of someone you love or loved, or who should have loved you (ie a parent or spouse).  A divorce, separation, awful break-up, abusive childhood, intimate partner violence, serious interpersonal strife within your home or your family or work, or widowhood can all trigger negative emotions especially at this time of year when love is celebrated.

Take some time this year to write out the story of the pain.  Get it all out, cry if you can, go share it with your counselor or pastor/priest, but process those negative emotions by acknowledging them, writing them down, talking them out, and releasing them.  This self-care is an act of love:  Love for yourself!

Next, write down a list of all the wonderful, amazing things you can think of about yourself, and read them aloud to yourself in front of a mirror.  If you can't think of many, then recall in your life when someone (teacher, friend, stranger, coach, sibling, or anyone else) said anything nice to you or about you.  Write these things down.  They are treasures to recall in difficult times, to remind you of your sparkling, imperfectly perfect self.  Yes, YOU are a priceless treasure just by being you!  There is NO ONE else on this planet exactly like you.  You are an original work of art.  Priceless.

Write a list of things for which you are grateful.  They can be small things (favorite breakfast cereal in your pantry) or bigger things (eyesight, a safe delivery of your new baby, a job that pays the bills). Gratitude, especially when practiced daily, can be so healing.

Finally, do something you adore that demonstrates your own self-love, to show yourself that YOU are important.  Take yourself to the movies!  Go for a swim or a drive!  Bake yourself a decadent dessert!  Dress up in your finest clothes and take yourself out to dinner (or lunch, if you don't want to eat alone at a restaurant on Valentines' Day).  Celebrate YOU with candy, cards, flowers, gifts, heart-shaped decorations, glitter, love songs, sparkling cider, stuffed bears holding a heart shaped box of chocolates, or any combination of these things.  Yes, step into camp one, for YOURSELF!

Celebrate YOU on Valentine's Day!