How to Start Your New Year Right

You're probably ready to begin changing some things about your life, to start the new year on a positive note.  Perhaps you need some help starting and maintaining a new habit or two.

The book, "Hello, Habits" by Fumio Sasaki is set to release in hardcover on January 4, 2021.  I happen to have a copy sitting in front of me right now, and it is an interesting read on how to create new habits.

Fumio obviously did his research and applied it to his own situation:  he permanently quit drinking, he became a minimalist, and he picked up the habit of writing books (he's written two so far).  Fumio weaves modern psychology and neuroscience into this book's framework.  

My favorite suggestions are "make your targets [steps towards your goals] ridiculously small," take breaks, and "rest aggressively." *

I am not receiving any compensation for this book review; I'm simply offering another resource that might help you accomplish your goals for the upcoming new year.  See this post for additional help with your goals.

However, if you're having a really difficult time motivating yourself to do basic self care and household tasks, you could actually benefit from being evaluated by a medical provider such as a doctor or a psychotherapist.  Lack of motivation to get normal tasks done is called "avolition" and it is one marker for depression and other mental health conditions.  (Before you self-diagnose your own depression or some other condition,  please know that avolition is ONE marker, and you need several specific signs and symptoms to be diagnosed with a mental health condition.)

O.K. back to the book:  the fact that Fumio quit drinking is very admirable; however, if you struggle with mis-use of alcohol, another substance, or a behavior that is making your life really difficult or downright impossible (such as over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming), then please please please seek out help as soon as possible!  There are free 12-Step groups on-line, in person, via phone, and some via email for just about ANY addiction.  Additionally, you might need in-patient or out-patient mental health treatment and other medical intervention to overcome these "habits," which are actually health conditions!  Google "12 step programs for _______________ (over-eating, over-shopping, gambling, pornography, or excessive gaming, etc.)" for help today.  Next, make an appointment with your primary medical provider ASAP to be evaluated for addiction(s) and to involve them in helping create a treatment plan for you.  Addictions require more than just an interesting book penned by a professional writer like Fumio.  As health conditions, they require medical intervention.

An active addiction aside, if you're looking for an interesting book to help you on your new year's path of habit change, "Hello, Habits" might be an entertaining read.  Whatever changes you hope to make in this upcoming year, I wish you great success and increasing health and wellness.

Happy New Year! 

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

*  Sasaki, F. (2021). Hello, habits : a minimalist's guide to a better life. W.W. Norton & Company.  Pg. 276.

Holiday Stress Busters

 Let's get right to it:  you're stressed!  This time of year is very difficult for many people, especially with this year's social distancing and business/school/activity/fun restrictions.  (Yes, I did in fact say "fun" restrictions....)

Here are a few quick ideas on how to bring back some happy into your holidays:

1.  Spend time with a pet.  Animals are so wonderful. Take your dog out for a walk, just bundle up well if it's cold.  Or play with your cat (if they'll let you) or other critter.  You'll both feel better for it.

2.  Reduce your expectations.  We're all living through a global pandemic, so cut yourself some slack!  If you don't want to follow your holiday decorating, baking, or gift giving rituals, then DON'T.  Or scale back.  Instead of a bedazzled Christmas tree drooping from the weight of four generations of ornaments, and hearths overcrowded with enough poinsettias to poison every cat in Connecticut, step back, and afford yourself the luxury of doing things the easy way this year.  Put up a wreath.  Set up one candle display (advent, menorah, kinara, or other).  Bake ONE kind of cookie.  Whatever your spiritual or cultural practices are for this time of year, reduce your expectations!  No one will DIE if you do, and the reduced stress will help everyone's health.

3.  Keep what's most meaningful to you.  If you can't bear to live through this season without a bedazzled Christmas tree, then reduce other areas of holiday stress so that you KEEP what is most meaningful to you.  For example, I love to give gifts.  Love. It.  So, I planned, created, bought, wrapped, tagged, and sent.  But is my tree--bedazzled or less so--on display?  No, not this year.  I am maintaining the traditions that matter most to me, and reducing my participation in other holiday traditions to keep my family's stress levels manageable. 

4.  Set firm boundaries if you need to.  If you have relatives who are controlling, dismissive, difficult, or quite frankly abusive, then family events where they are present, even the Zoom-ed ones, can compromise your mental health.  Did you catch that?  Family events with people who treat you poorly can compromise your mental health.  So, set some boundaries for your well-being.  How?  Here are a few ideas:  

• Don't attend.  
• Show up with a friend (most mean people treat you nicer if you have a friend along).
• Set a short time limit, and leave the call or the gathering early.
• If you feel obligated to attend, be prepared with conversation topics to steer them away from abusing you.  Asking lighthearted questions keeps the focus on THEM and not on abusing YOU.
• Provide your own transportation to/from the event, if the event is in-person.  If you get into a car/train/Uber with them, you'll be a captive audience and at the mercy of their control.  Don't do it.
• Practice saying "no."  This is not a joke.  Google "how to say no" and you'll find over 3 BILLION links.  

Assertiveness has its perks.  A calm, enjoyable holiday is one of them!

Happy holidays!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

Do Weighted Blankets Help Lower Anxiety?

In one word, yes.  Research demonstrates that weighted blankets do appear to reduce anxiety.*

Perhaps you have seen or heard about weighted blankets, and are curious if such a blanket might help calm your anxious feelings of free-falling through space since Covid-19 turned this world upside down.

Weighted blankets are basically two thin, separate blankets sewn together, filled with batting and heavy beads.  The weight of the blanket is surprisingly comforting, as long as you select the correct weight.  I recommend choosing a blanket that weighs approximately 10% of your body weight, or as close to 10% as you can get.  You don't want to get one that's too heavy for your body size as it could feel uncomfortably heavy and restricting.  And too light of a blanket might not help reduce anxious feelings.  It could still keep you warm though.

I recently tried using a plush weighted blanket.  While it was soft and warm, the weight was definitely a bit too heavy for me; it was three pounds too much.  It made it difficult for me to to relax while sitting on the sofa because the blanket was too heavy.   But when one of my grown sons tried it out, he loved it so much that he didn't take it off his shoulders the entire time we were visiting.  The weight was just perfect for him.  So it's important to find a blanket that is a good fit for you, in terms of weight.

Some weighted blankets are machine washable.  That's the kind I recommend, because seriously, who needs to make an extra trip to the dry cleaners during a global pandemic?

While you don't need to have anxiety or a prescription in order to purchase a weighted blanket, it's still a good idea to talk to your health care provider (therapist, counselor, doctor, nurse practitioner, etc.) and ask them if using a weighted blanket might enhance your well-being.  

Be warm and merry!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

* Becklund AL, Rapp-McCall L, Nudo J. Using weighted blankets in an inpatient mental health hospital to decrease anxiety. J Integr Med. 2020; Epub ahead of print.  Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S209549642030131X on 11/30/2020.

* Vinson J, Powers J, Mosesso K. Weighted Blankets: Anxiety Reduction in Adult Patients Receiving Chemotherapy. Clinical Journal of Oncology Nursing. 2020 Aug;24(4):360-368. DOI: 10.1188/20.cjon.360-368.

* Burch, E., Hartog, K.D., Godfredsen, M., Jansen, M., The Use of Weighted Blankets in Patients With Anxiety. Northwestern College Dept. of Nursing.  April 2019.  Retrieved from https://nwcommons.nwciowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1016&context=celebrationofresearch on 11/30/2020.

How to Feel Thankful This Thanksgiving

Part of good mental health is routinely taking time to look for and acknowledge all the good in our lives.  It's similar to celebrating Thanksgiving, except it's a daily instead of yearly practice.

Considering all we have to be thankful for is the most important part of celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday, much more important than a stuffed turkey or pumpkin pie.  What if this year, instead of hyper-focusing on turkey or pies, we intentionally focus on developing a routine of gratitude?

It's a matter of being mindful:  intentionally noticing all the good in our lives, and allowing ourselves to feel the emotion of gratitude.

Do you have shelter?  Thank goodness! 

Do you have water?  Yes!

Do you have food?  Score!

Can you read this?  Awesome!  According to the United States Nation Center for Education Statistics, 21% of adults in the United States are functionally illiterate*.  That's 43 MILLION adults who can not read this post.  

Do you have access to emergency medical care if you were to call 9-1-1?  Wow, that is truly amazing!

Friends, we have so much to be thankful for.  This is just the very basics, and already by writing this I feel deeper gratitude for what I have.  I hope in reading this you feel better too!

However, please know that on-going low moods may indicate your need to be assessed for depression.  Depression isn't "cured" with simple gratitude.  Depression is a medical condition that requires treatment by licensed health care professionals.  Many physical conditions, such as thyroid disorder, may cause depression too.  If you've had an annual physical exam this year, your provider has ruled out any underlying health conditions, and you still have trouble finding the good in day-to-day situations, perhaps you need to talk to a therapist or counselor.  If you reside in Idaho, feel free to call my office and schedule a telehealth counseling session with me.  I'd love to be part of your healing journey.

Be well!  I am so thankful you're here today!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

* Retrieved from https://nces.ed.gov/datapoints/2019179.asp on November 2, 2020

Some Thoughts Since Coronavirus Changed Your Life

Your life is different today than it was last year.  Maybe it's completely different than it was only six-ish months ago.  The changes that have occurred worldwide, nationwide, statewide, and citywide are HUGE ("Yeah, Teresa, thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious...").

Life is different now.

For some people, for many people, life might feel worse.  For others, it might feel much safer, or better in some ways.

I want to share with you that whatever you feel now and have felt in the past few months is not wrong:  it's a feeling (or a mixture of feelings...yes, you can have multiple feelings at once and it's completely normal) and all feelings are valid. 

You may feel (are feeling, will feel) a mixture of many negative emotions, such as anger, irritability, frustration, sadness, denial, fear, anxiety.  These are not fun emotions to feel.  But during a global pandemic, those are emotions you can likely expect to experience at some point.

How do you care for yourself when you are experiencing negative emotions? 

First, stop beating yourself up for feeling those feelings.

Second, acknowledge that you're feeling a certain way.  For example:  " I feel frustrated and sad that I can't ____________ (go to work or school in person, see my Grandpa at the care center, date a new person safely, go see live theater or ball games or music concerts) right now."

And third, find ways to stay connected to your hobbies, friends, family (if safe), and yourself.  Do things that used to bring you joy.  Remind yourself that there are STILL good things to look forward to, and good people who care about you in this world.

Don't abandon yourself.  Be good to you!!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

How to Help Your Children Handle School Closures During a Pandemic

The Coronavirus has caused a pandemic, which has lead to schools, libraries, cities, and companies shutting their doors worldwide to prevent the spread of this virus.

With kids and teens home from school, it may be difficult to find things to keep them busy, safe, and healthy.

If you have children or grandchildren who are home due to school closures, here are a few ideas to help them during this most challenging time:

1.  First, please don't panic.  Children need your strength and stability.  So please share your deepest, darkest fears with supportive ADULTS (your spouse, friends, clergy, support groups, mental health providers), not with children.

2.  Do, however, open up the dialogue to talking about uncertainties.  Remind children that staying at home is much preferable to being sick and spreading this virus to other people.  Be matter-of-fact and do not blame anyone during these conversations.

3.  As much as you are able, maintain a daily routine and structure.  THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.  All humans need structure.  Routines and structure reduce the anxiety we experience over uncertainty.  They provide concrete boundaries for daily tasks and events (even play has an appropriate time limit).  And routines and structure provide continuity in life, which helps to reduce the subjective feeling of free-falling through space that is becoming the norm for kids and teens worldwide.

4.  Try to help kids stay connected to friends via texts and through other technology as often as is reasonable.  Introverted kids (and adults too) may need some encouragement to reach out to friends.

5.  And, while we're talking about technology, please limit screen time, especially exposure to sensational or disturbing news or programs.  Spending 10 hours per day on first person shooter games or with eyes glued to their tablet is not healthy.  Actual human interaction, eye contact, conversations, constructive and enjoyable non-screen hobbies, exercise (go on a walk with your kids, or ride bikes together), family board game nights, volunteer activities, time with pets, time spent outdoors enjoying nature, spiritual practices, and (yes) chores are part of life too.  If you're having trouble limiting screen time, then...

6.  Organize daily chores for kids to do PRIOR TO having access to their technology of choice.  They will grumble and complain, and within a few days (or a week, give or take...) this will be the new norm.  Turn on WiFi as soon as you have checked that they have completed their chores to a reasonable (not perfect) standard.

7.  Use this opportunity to do things together.  Prepare food WITH your kids.  Plan meals together.  Make snacks and bake treats with your kids.  This fosters healthy family relationships, teaches kids useful grown up skills, and proves to themselves that they are important and capable of learning to take care of themselves.  And preparing food for the family is a creative and giving activity that you get to share jointly with your kids.

8.  Reassure your kids that we as a global family are in this together and that we will get through this.

Yes we will.

Be well, and take care of yourself and others too as you are able!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

Why Not to Panic About Coronavirus

So, by now the world has heard of COVID-19 (Coronavirus Disease 2019).  Here is a Johns Hopkins Whiting School of Engineering dashboard to keep up-to-date on the spread of this illness.  It lists total cases confirmed worldwide, total deaths, and total recovered.

So, feel free to click the link and go assure yourself that (at the time I'm writing this) the overwhelming majority of people who have contracted this illness are recovering from it!  That is why I'm suggesting not to panic.

Please take the precautions that the World Health Organization suggests here.  If you are immune-compromised in any way, or are otherwise at high risk for contracting COVID-19, contact your primary medical provider this week and follow their suggested plan to avoid getting sick, a plan specific for YOU.  Do not panic.  If you do happen to get sick, contact your primary medical provider and carefully follow their instructions for treatment.

Now that those public service announcement-type suggestions are out of the way, here are health statistics that are also incredibly important to acknowledge:

Every year, according to the United Nations, 50,000 women are killed by their intimate partners or family members.

Why isn't THIS issue causing widespread global panic?  50,000 preventable deaths annually.  That's about 4167 women dying per month from being murdered by an intimate partner or a family member.

Why is something soooo preventable such as domestic violence not being touted as a "pandemic?"

Hmm.

Yes, please use hand sanitizer, cough into your elbow, don't touch your face unless you just washed your hands, and wear a mask in order to prevent contracting and spreading COVID-19.

However, ending domestic violence will take so much more.  For starters, you can read up on boundaries, co-dependency, assertiveness, and communication; stay connected (or build connections) to healthy friends and other social supports; advocate for social justice everywhere (work, school, home, community, the legal and court system, your workplace, religious organizations); work to improve access to resources (especially financial, education, and health care) for all humans; learn to recognize the signs of domestic violence; take a strong stance against violence towards all humans (this includes standing up for abused children and for victims of bullying); help victims get out and get treatment as soon as possible; help perpetrators be held accountable and get treatment as soon as possible; advocate for women's rights, educate yourself and share the knowledge with others on how to spot a batterer early in a relationship, and then as a global family, we can end this global domestic violence pandemic together.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse from an intimate partner, roommate, family member, or someone else, please contact the USA based National Domestic Violence Hotline either on the internet here (if you don't fear the abuser discovering you visited that website) or call 1-800-799-7233.  It's free and confidential.  Be safe.  Be strong.  You are important!