How to Celebrate Safely

 So the holiday season approaches and brings up the big question:  how do we celebrate and stay safe from Covid?

Great question!

For the most up-to-the-minute health recommendations, follow this CDC link: 

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/prevention.html

Stay well!

Teresa

Teresa Heald, LCSW

Holiday Stress Busters

 Let's get right to it:  you're stressed!  This time of year is very difficult for many people, especially with this year's social distancing and business/school/activity/fun restrictions.  (Yes, I did in fact say "fun" restrictions....)

Here are a few quick ideas on how to bring back some happy into your holidays:

1.  Spend time with a pet.  Animals are so wonderful. Take your dog out for a walk, just bundle up well if it's cold.  Or play with your cat (if they'll let you) or other critter.  You'll both feel better for it.

2.  Reduce your expectations.  We're all living through a global pandemic, so cut yourself some slack!  If you don't want to follow your holiday decorating, baking, or gift giving rituals, then DON'T.  Or scale back.  Instead of a bedazzled Christmas tree drooping from the weight of four generations of ornaments, and hearths overcrowded with enough poinsettias to poison every cat in Connecticut, step back, and afford yourself the luxury of doing things the easy way this year.  Put up a wreath.  Set up one candle display (advent, menorah, kinara, or other).  Bake ONE kind of cookie.  Whatever your spiritual or cultural practices are for this time of year, reduce your expectations!  No one will DIE if you do, and the reduced stress will help everyone's health.

3.  Keep what's most meaningful to you.  If you can't bear to live through this season without a bedazzled Christmas tree, then reduce other areas of holiday stress so that you KEEP what is most meaningful to you.  For example, I love to give gifts.  Love. It.  So, I planned, created, bought, wrapped, tagged, and sent.  But is my tree--bedazzled or less so--on display?  No, not this year.  I am maintaining the traditions that matter most to me, and reducing my participation in other holiday traditions to keep my family's stress levels manageable. 

4.  Set firm boundaries if you need to.  If you have relatives who are controlling, dismissive, difficult, or quite frankly abusive, then family events where they are present, even the Zoom-ed ones, can compromise your mental health.  Did you catch that?  Family events with people who treat you poorly can compromise your mental health.  So, set some boundaries for your well-being.  How?  Here are a few ideas:  

• Don't attend.  
• Show up with a friend (most mean people treat you nicer if you have a friend along).
• Set a short time limit, and leave the call or the gathering early.
• If you feel obligated to attend, be prepared with conversation topics to steer them away from abusing you.  Asking lighthearted questions keeps the focus on THEM and not on abusing YOU.
• Provide your own transportation to/from the event, if the event is in-person.  If you get into a car/train/Uber with them, you'll be a captive audience and at the mercy of their control.  Don't do it.
• Practice saying "no."  This is not a joke.  Google "how to say no" and you'll find over 3 BILLION links.  

Assertiveness has its perks.  A calm, enjoyable holiday is one of them!

Happy holidays!

Teresa

Teresa Heald LCSW

What to Do with Handmade Gifts from Kids?

'Tis the season...for being the lucky recipient of handmade treasures from little ones!  Yes, those adorable crafty gifts that kids bestow upon their parents and other loved ones during the holiday season.

As parents, we want to encourage creativity, generosity, selflessness, and the relationship-building benefits of gift giving in our kids, right?  But what in the WORLD do we do with some of their creations?

Let me share a story I had long forgotten about until a few weeks ago in session, when my memory was triggered by something one of my little patients said.  Driving home that night, I reflected on my late Dad's parenting skills, "good enough" parenting, and what to do about the gifts our kids give us.

I remember a dark blue scarf that yours truly (that's me) knitted for my Dad for Christmas a long time ago in a galaxy far far away (that's Idaho).  Little Me used a special loom and invested many hours of work into making a true masterpiece:  a too-short and slightly lopsided scarf.  I carefully folded it, wrapped it brightly, and placed it under the Christmas tree.

On Christmas morning, I looked expectantly at Dad as he smiled and began unwrapping the gift.  As he pulled the wrapping paper back, his face lit up and he exclaimed with delight at the sight of the scarf.  RIGHT THERE AND THEN he wrapped that lopsided blue thing around his neck.

Dad wore that scarf all winter, and for many other winters following.  Good enough parenting?  Great parenting!  Although I had forgotten about this gift exchange over the years, I obviously learned and internalized much about gift giving and ultimately about parenting that Christmas.

Fast forward 20-ish years.  My daughter makes a pencil cup for me out of a recycled tin can.  I gratefully and happily received it, and put it to use immediately.  In fact, it's still in use in my kitchen today:  

This festive season, and at all the other times of the year, you don't have to be a perfect parent; you just have to be good enough.  Receive the gifts your children give you with thanks and delight.  That's good enough great parenting!

Happy Holidays!