Valentine's Day Stress and What to Do About It

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day!  I have noticed there are three camps of people when it comes to this holiday (see which one fits you this year):

1.  You love to celebrate with candy, cards, flowers, gifts, heart-shaped decorations, glitter, love songs, sparkling cider, stuffed bears holding a heart shaped box of chocolates, or any combination of these things.
2.  You see it as just another consumer-driven holiday, no big deal, and simply get on with your day.
3.  You feel...bad in some way.  Anxious, stressed, sad.

If you find yourself in the first camp, go to it!  Have a blast, sprinkle glittery heart warm fuzzies all around you.  Just stick to a reasonable budget and save a piece of chocolate for me!

If you are in camp two, hey, enjoy the chocolate that may come your way from the gooey, glitter-sprinkling, candy-wielding co-workers and loved ones you may encounter (and be thankful for them, those loving souls!).  If, however, you are one half of a romantic relationship, you might want to at least go get a card and a box of chocolates, or a bouquet of flowers for your honey.  It could improve your relationship.  Just sayin'.  (I am, in fact, a couples counselor too.)

If you are in camp three, keep reading.  This post is for you.

Valentine's Day can be a difficult day for some people, at certain times in their lives.  It is a holiday high-lighting love and lovers, and if you feel some lack or absence in either love or having a romantic partner, Valentine's Day can inspire stress-filled thoughts and negative emotions within you.

Let's first acknowledge that you DON'T have to participate in this holiday if you don't want to.

Let's also acknowledge any loss or void you have in your life if you are not feeling loved right now, or if you have a hurtful, hard, emotionally charged past in terms of someone you love or loved, or who should have loved you (ie a parent or spouse).  A divorce, separation, awful break-up, abusive childhood, intimate partner violence, serious interpersonal strife within your home or your family or work, or widowhood can all trigger negative emotions especially at this time of year when love is celebrated.

Take some time this year to write out the story of the pain.  Get it all out, cry if you can, go share it with your counselor or pastor/priest, but process those negative emotions by acknowledging them, writing them down, talking them out, and releasing them.  This self-care is an act of love:  Love for yourself!

Next, write down a list of all the wonderful, amazing things you can think of about yourself, and read them aloud to yourself in front of a mirror.  If you can't think of many, then recall in your life when someone (teacher, friend, stranger, coach, sibling, or anyone else) said anything nice to you or about you.  Write these things down.  They are treasures to recall in difficult times, to remind you of your sparkling, imperfectly perfect self.  Yes, YOU are a priceless treasure just by being you!  There is NO ONE else on this planet exactly like you.  You are an original work of art.  Priceless.

Write a list of things for which you are grateful.  They can be small things (favorite breakfast cereal in your pantry) or bigger things (eyesight, a safe delivery of your new baby, a job that pays the bills). Gratitude, especially when practiced daily, can be so healing.

Finally, do something you adore that demonstrates your own self-love, to show yourself that YOU are important.  Take yourself to the movies!  Go for a swim or a drive!  Bake yourself a decadent dessert!  Dress up in your finest clothes and take yourself out to dinner (or lunch, if you don't want to eat alone at a restaurant on Valentines' Day).  Celebrate YOU with candy, cards, flowers, gifts, heart-shaped decorations, glitter, love songs, sparkling cider, stuffed bears holding a heart shaped box of chocolates, or any combination of these things.  Yes, step into camp one, for YOURSELF!

Celebrate YOU on Valentine's Day!